


Do You Ever Think About It?

by thesheepislost



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, I just want everyone to live, I just want them to be happy, I'm a SIMP for Kaede, Trauma, clair de lune baby, fluffy trauma lmao, it's a simulation, most of the characters are mentioned like once, shuchi is a good boy who practiced
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29118399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesheepislost/pseuds/thesheepislost
Summary: "Do you ever think about it?""Sometimes. I catch myself choking sometimes, in the middle of the night."••••Or, this death game was all a simulation and everyone wakes up with their own form of trauma.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Saihara Shuichi
Kudos: 43





	Do You Ever Think About It?

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: I use WAY too many semicolons and commas- I apologize.

“Do you ever think about it?” 

Kaede looked up from the black and white keys. Her fingers paused in their ministrations and she cocked her head to the side thoughtfully. Her thoughts were painted on her face and behind her eyes so painfully obvious that the detective looked away, already knowing her answer. He didn’t want to hear it; unfortunately, he was the one that asked. 

“Sometimes,” the pianist’s smile was soft. Like sunbeams shining through the curtains, raining down on him like golden streamers. She brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear and turned back to the piano, her fingers resuming the melody as though they had never stopped. “I catch myself choking sometimes, in the middle of the night.” 

“I know,” Shuichi said, because he did. He heard her late into the night. He heard her panicked screams and raspy breathing. He heard her stumble out of bed and race to the bathroom, her stomach emptying out all of its contents over and over until she was left dry-heaving. “I hear you sometimes.”

“I know.” Kaede repeated, because she did. 

•••

When Kaede woke up, she thought she was dreaming. 

A part of her was glad that the entire experience had been a simulation; another part of her, however small, was bitter that she hadn’t met her demise. The hospital bed was hard and cold. The blanket they had provided her did little to actually protect her from the biting air of the A.C. unit and fans in the room. 

The blonde tried to sit up, panic-fueled terror and adrenaline pumping through her veins. The cords from her I.V. and heart monitor ripped her back to the bed; she struggled, yanking as hard as possible, and tried to scream when the pole holding her fluids clattered to the ground with a bang. The tube that had been forced down her throat so she could breath had suddenly grown too big for her airway. 

Everything was too much, too heavy, too light- she writhed and tried to scream but nothing was coming out. 

People in white- nurses, doctors- stormed into the room. They had seized her arms and legs, trying to calm her down and get her to stop, but it did nothing to ease her racing heart or mind. 

She was dying, she was dying, she was dying- 

She was dying all over again-

“Ms. Akamatsu, we need you to calm down,” An older woman with a soothing voice spoke to her through the noises. 

Noise? What noise? Was that coming from her? Kaede heard the sound of an animal lashing out, biting, growling, snapping- it was her. She was that animal. Noises she didn’t know she was capable of making were forcing their way out of her body without her control; she didn’t want to die, it was too painful, too much- 

The second time she woke up, she was much more calm. 

Rantaro had told her they slipped her some sedatives to keep her relatively mellow. She wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but she was thankful. Seeing the green-haired man sitting at her bedside was a sobering experience. Kaede’s sobs wracked her body and shook the hospital bed; her wails and apologies drowned out Rantaro’s whisperings of “it’s okay” and reassurances that he wasn’t upset with her. 

Her breakdown had resulted in the pianist coughing and wheezing; the lack of air threw her into a panic and she reached up to her throat to remove the invisible threat. 

It wasn’t there, Rantaro soothed her. She was okay. At that, she turned and vomited off of the side of the bed. 

•••

“Do you hate me?” 

Kaede laughed a light, soft giggle that sounded like bells tinkling in the wind. The sound didn’t match the distant look in her eyes or the way her hands tightened in the fabric of her skirt. She, too, had asked herself that ever since she woke up. Did she hate him? The answer was easy. 

Shuichi tugged his hat further down to cover his face. 

“Of course not,” Kaede said, because she didn’t. “Do you hate me?” 

The piano melody raised in dynamic, growing in intensity, before dropping cold. The room felt lonely without the notes in the air. Shuichi scratched his cheek and sighed, his voice suddenly feeling much too thick for his throat. 

“Of course not,” Shuichi replied, because he didn’t. 

•••

There were many tearful reunions upon the survivors finally finishing the game and waking up. 

It was difficult, too, with so much tension thick in the air. Those who had been murdered and executed were still healing from the wounds that had affected their real bodies- Kaede had trouble speaking, and was uncomfortable doing so. Her usual banter with the others was now diminished to simple smiles and a few words here and there. She could see she made others uncomfortable, and for that she felt nothing but shame. 

Tenko had seized Himiko in a tight hug, cries and blubbers of words that vaguely sounded like an apology fell from her mouth in a frenzy of emotion. Himiko blushed, patted the older girl on the head, and jokingly said she was alright. Angie, too, laughed and joined their emotional reunion. 

When Shuichi had approached Kaede clutching his hat in his hands with his head hung low, the blonde had no words to say. 

Before she was executed, she had reached for his hand. It was the most selfish thing she could have done at that moment. Why did she do that? She had asked herself that every night since she woke up; the image of his face, eyes blown wide in disbelief and cheeks dusted pink from his tears and frustration. She could still hear the way his voice sounded when he figured out it was her that killed Rantaro. Well, thought she had killed the boy. She could visualize the hitch in his voice when he let the rest of the group know. The drop of his shoulders when she admitted to it. 

The way his body crumpled to the ground as he watched her hang like a marionette- 

“I’m sorry.” 

Those were the first words out of the detective’s mouth. His head was hung low, bangs covering his eyes, and she could see his hands were shaking. His fingers were digging into the accessory as though it were the one thing keeping him grounded. Out of the corner of her eye, Kaede could see Maki and Kaito watching the two with vague expressions on their faces. 

Kaede didn’t- couldn’t say anything. She had so many words, so many emotions. She had everything in the world to tell him and yet nothing at the same time. Nothing mattered; her emotions were suddenly too much for her body. They escaped her in the form of tears- the blonde was tired of crying. 

She threw herself into the arms of the detective; his own comfortably wrapped around her. Her tears soaked his shoulder and his own dripped into her hair. But neither of them cared. 

Their words were too much, too little; they had everything to say and none of it mattered because they were here and they were okay. Kaede relished in the feeling of Shuichi there, real, and in her arms. He smelled like home. 

The survivors could meet with their family and friends, should they want to. There was an inevitable distance that most felt was irreparable as a result from the games. Families were hurt or torn apart. Kaede couldn’t find it in herself to see the people that were the parents of the old Kaede- the one that was so different from her now. She wasn’t their daughter. They were no longer the people they were before the simulation, and they could never go back. 

Some people, though, like Himiko and Tenko fell easily back into their old rhythm. They visited their parents weekly, always sharing new stories; Kaede saw the vacant look in Tenko’s eyes, though, when her parents asked her about the events of the game. Or when they mentioned a vague detail from her childhood that she didn’t remember. 

Despite most of their full recoveries, the survivors were told to live in a share-house for further evaluation. They were to live together and coexist while the researchers finished their experiment. Miu bitterly murmured something about them seeing the effects it had on the relationships amongst them. It didn’t matter, though, because they had been through hell together and there was no stronger glue than trauma. 

Shuichi’s room was right next to Kaede. They had made it a habit to visit one another, sometimes during the night, and just sat in each other’s company. Sometimes, Shuichi would sit on her mattress and listen to the melodies she played to soothe her own heart. He fell asleep often to the sound of Clair de Lune. 

•••

“Would you do it again?” 

She had asked the question this time. He closed his eyes and smiled as the sound of the familiar tune filled the small room. His fingers stretched out on his thighs and he lazily practiced the fingerings Kaede had shown him a lifetime ago. He didn’t have to ask her what she meant. Like all of her words, her voice was gravelly and strained- he tried not to think about why her melodious voice was altered in this way. This question, though, had made her broken words sound thick and weighty. They hung in the air like a damp fog. 

“To meet you,” Shuichi swallowed. “Yes.” He choked out, because he would. 

A heartbeat passed between them. She rose from the stool and joined him on the carpeted ground, head finding comfort on his shoulder. Their legs touched and their heartbeats slowed in unison. 

“Would you do it again?”

Kaede’s eyes drifted shut and her hum of contemplation made her companion laugh softly. Her fingers found his own and laced between them; she rested their hands in her lap. 

“To meet you, yes.” She hummed, because she would.

**Author's Note:**

> Danganronpa is just such an interesting story/series to me and I just adore Shuichi and Kaede together.
> 
> I'm a simp for Kaede and she's my ultimate comfort character.


End file.
